Whining Chronicles I (Cascade multiple amplifiers and let's see what you'll get!)

I never believed once in my life how thick headed I was until some few weeks ago when both my mother and I were talking about my little sister being hard to discipline and doing anything that would just please her in her own accord regardless of demarcations be it at school or at home. Then I looked back to the stories that they told us about my father being the rebellious type when he was a kid and I knew that genes were at work for all of us siblings--from father to my older brother, to me and finally to my sister whose sense of rationalism needs some fast sorting out.

During work, there were numerous times when my boss would always notice how I handled some issues (especially how I've handled priority issues). I have to admit that some of the issues have been mishandled to some extent but I was able to resolve everything. It's not that it was reported to me and I just left, went down to grab something in the convenience store, took it up to the pantry and ate to my heart's content. He knows that I had never left any priority issues lest I was not aware that it was supposed to be one or I called it to be of no particular high severity. This made me think, on why my boss would always nag and nag regarding things that go wrong at work and would almost always point the blame on me (even though I didn't do it). Then I remembered how our conversation about my sister went. My mother asked my sister on why, despite the fact that she was being scolded by our grandmother about not doing her assignments and not studying at school, is she still not studying. Simply she answered (according to my mother), "I just didn't want to do it."
There was definitely a hint of determined insubordination there. She was being scolded and she didn't like it. So what did she do to show defiance? Annoy my grandmother by following that circle of not studying and scolding.

Now whenever there was something that went wrong at work (viewing it subjectively from my boss's point of view), he would almost always notice me if he can't trace the trail of emails to the point of origin.
"Ano nangyari dito sa issue na to?" would be his tag line whenever he's asking me. If it's not my issue, I'd say it's not mine. But he'd still have a backup, mouth-shutting back up words carrying a tinge of finality in the conversation, "E nasa shift mo pa to nung naka-Open pa a? Ba't di ka nag-follow up?" One time I retorted to that and I learned that it was one of the Ten Commandments of the office: Never retort to your boss. "Dapat nag-follow up ka pa din, kaya nga tayo team. Hindi pwedeng iiwanan mo yung issue..." And what follows is a series of litanies that would make anyone praying the rosary catch their breath in exhaustion considering they are only kneeling.

"Ok fine! Whatever you want!"

But that's not what I did.

Perhaps this is how my sister felt at that time. Why would I give you the satisfaction that you want when you're not even listening to what I'm saying and would just point at me and bombard me with your one sided pieces of crap? You'd never get that from me. If I can't get even with you, I'll destroy you bit by bit.

So what did I do?

During weekends, I would go to sleep as soon as I get to work. Whenever there was a waiting call, I'd just let it ring there and would just go to sleep. When someone wants to file a trouble ticket (a document of a reported problem), I'd say that the ticketing system is down and we can't give out any tickets as of the moment. When someone reports something regarding a major issue, I would delay it for some hours. Yes just delay. A major issue is something which will make our clients almost millions of dollars if prolonged to some extent and if it would be traced back to me, I'd definitely lose my job. When he's there during weekdays, I would not include him in the emails for issues. Let him grope from where the issue started. Let him suffer for all I care. If he can grovel on the floor and crawl under my feet to apologize, I'd definitely laugh that signature sinister laugh that villains have at their disposal, adding a clean-my-shoes-with-your-tongue finisher.

But alas, amidst the efforts to have my silent rebellion be noticed, he never wavered in giving me my daily dose of pawnage. It seems like, after I lunge at him to attack, he just parries and does multiple ripostes for each of my unnoticed advances. Either that or he's just oblivious of what I am doing. Or what I'm doing doesn't attract too much attention. For so many reasons, I don't want to do considerable damage to the company (which I can freely do in so many ways that a normal employee can never imagine). Making it lose revenue is as simple as pressing the delete button, while masking my presence by using another poor bloke as an escape goat. If I want to start an all out war between me and the company, I could just do that. But as far as I can see, all of the little things that I am doing now will snowball eventually and when it hits a dead end, it would have destroyed everything in it's path due to its massive size and inertial force.

Perhaps the only difference between me and my sister is that I have gained some knowledge over the years and is thinking about my own welfare--about the future. My sister, for the moment is not able to decipher the meaning of studying properly for her future that she considers it meaningless and a waste of her time. I'm just one notch above her.

On another sense, perhaps she's one notch above me for not conniving a plot on how to destroy her self-crafted enemies.

Well, who knows. I even thought something like that when I was a kid.

Everybody's grabbing a piece of the topsoil, so hurry up while stock still last (at least on the same field)......

Stagnation of the thoughts and the wish to unclog some pipes within my mind allowed my tight budgeted schedule to purchase some time off and sit down to write something on this column. Not that it really is affordable but like in a three day sale where people are in a state of panicked-buying, it has been agreed by the council and league of consultants within my mind that it is now the time to invest and buy some limited stocks of time to be used for funding this humble page of nonsense and self-centeredness--while there are still stocks available.

It has been a while since I last wrote on this page (took about 4 months or so since the last one) and as usual, the cobwebs of the mind are still hanging and sticking to the walls of the membranes which maybe sapping every idea that may have developed (or at least still developing) through the four months interval. I figured that reading some books may keep the cobwebs from gathering--and I was right, though not entirely. It may not be in an alarming rate, but the webs and cobs would still accumulate. And four months isn't a short period of time especially for someone who doesn't have any proper education on English Writing. So here I am now, giving a very long introduction to let the flow of words circulate my system first, very much like a stretching routine for joggers and athletes. Blood needs to flow and so does words.

And in four months time that I wasn't able to grace the pages of this HTML and javascript concoction, what have I been doing?

Focusing on my job?

Nah! Focusing yes, but not on the current job, but on a career path.


How it came to that was thankfully to the lame ass job that I got in right now. If it hasn't been for the countless tickets that I created; if it wasn't for the endless cycle of resetting passwords for the very dumb users of the company's domain; if it wasn't for the side by side priority issues that I have handled (which was lovingly "praised" by none other than my egotistical, pompous, self-gratifying boss *sarcasm intended if it wasn't obvious enough*); if it wasn't for my dominatrix of a boss (mind you he's a guy), I would never have clicked on that small blue "E" icon on the desktop and typed the word "teaching jobs" on the net to reveal a whole new hope for people like me who has swayed away from the straight path and ended up in circles.

Let me relate something:

There was a boy, lost on a dry and dusty road. At first he wasn't at all that lost since the road was just a straight path from where he can see it. For some time, he trod on the road and on some occasion, would shelter on some nearby trees when the need rises. After a while, he stumbled upon a fork on the road. One was going left, the other one going right. He saw at the right path, numerous people prancing around and happily whistling as they walk along. He examined the left side and he saw a dark road though no hint of fear embraced him. Enticed by the gaiety of the right path, he trudged towards that way and engaged along with the prancing. As he pranced, he glanced to his left and right and saw that most people were moving along and were now wearing a different kind of face. He looked up and about and saw some object on the road. He saw a face smiling brilliantly with red cheeks and white teeth. It has been discarded. Fearing it might happen to him also, he urged himself to go back, but he was clueless on how to get back being busy with the prancing and whistling while walking along the road. So, instead of going back, he moved forward. As he continue on, evidence of any happiness was nowhere to be seen on the latter part of the road. Near a clearing, beside the road he tripped on large rocks, bruising his knees and feet. As he bent down to examine his knee, he wasn't aware that another prancing man was passing along and bumped onto him, sending him rolling down the clearing and straight to a small lake. The prancing man carried on and paid no attention to the boy as he whistled gaily, swaying his arms in full length. Meanwhile the boy clambered to his feet and went on the bank to try to dry himself. He remembered his injury and immediately went to the water to wash it. As he bent down, he saw a reflection of a tired man in front of him. He reached out to him on the water and it seemed to him that the tired man was reaching out to him also.
He gasped! He hurried out of the water and went on to the road again. He shuddered every now and then but would immediately put up a stern face and increase the pace of his strides. He moved forward taking a right turn at every fork that he see. After a long while, he reached the familiar fork where he had made his big decision. Right in the middle of the fork, there was this dilapidated sign that was barely readable because of the dust. He tried reading what was written on the sign but it seems that hope was gone for the wooden sign. He dropped his body on the ground and let his back rest on the pole of the sign and heaved out a very long sigh. All of a sudden, he felt a coldness on his face. He felt it with his palm. His eye widened and looked immediately at his soiled hands. No doubt--a trace of dark brownish color confirmed what he thought. He raised his palms in the air and soon after, droplets of rain poured down and washed the soil that clung to his wearied body. The boy stood up and drank the rain with his whole essence and pranced around the wooden sign. After the rain, the sun's rays caressed the boy's nape and bathed him with a light that seems to signify his rebirth. He turned about to get ready to tread the left path when he saw the wooden sign. The dust being washed, revealed the words beneath it.

Right for prancers
Left for non-prancers

The boy smiled at the sign and with a last effort as if to thank the wooden board, he polished it with his sleeves before setting off. On the road, he saw a clear puddle made by the rain. He looked into it and saw the man that he saw on the lake but now, the weariness has been erased. He stared at the man for a while, reaching out to him as the man reached back. Their fingertips touched sending ripples--but not on the puddle.



There are many of us who would be in the same situation right now. Especially for those who are quite undecided for themselves, they let society do the decisions for them. There has always been an unspoken truth: If everybody's doing it, then it must be the right thing. While it is an exaggeration to say "everybody", you can surmise that once most of the people are doing it, it might be the right thing for each and everyone. If someone prances along while wearing a tank top and laced panties on the street while screeching Wannabe by Spice Girls and then everybody soon imitates that jerk, it doesn't mean that you'll have to be in it also. It's not my position to dictate to you if you want to do that but in a subjective way of speaking (that is, my opinion matters here), you wouldn't catch me doing that, covert or overt. I'd say, take the left path. If there are any other paths there that might lead to your proper destination, then by all means, take those. Do not choose a road has been leveled enough by the feet of millions of people that the erosion is making it's way to the subsoil. Remember, the topsoil is where the nutrients for plants are most found. If you're planning to plant a tree of success, subsoil, as it is mostly sand, can't hold your plant much more your tree. It'd be stunted due to lack of nutrients and be easily torn away from it's root.