Losing time to a productive activity having no product produced at all. Maybe there was but it's way below acceptance level

Being unemployed is finally taking it's toll on me as the boredom chokes the breath out of my passing youth. But it seems that anxiety and agitation of the corporate world has its roots firm on the ground nourishing that boredom more till flowers of the same specie bloomed at an alarming rate casting an unknown spell that keeps my ass stuck on the chair and writing this entry. It's not that this was the only thing that I've done for the past week. Of course as my situation states, I am unemployed and I need employment. So what's a normal bored guy going to do?

Job hunting!

My cellular phone had been busy for quite some time last week, to my annoyance (and now I'm missing that), due to a pleasant fact that almost all of the companies that I have passed my application to has called me and invited me for an interview. So the past week had been a week of riding LRT's, passing resumes and raising a pretentious appearance to a level I have never before achieved. In addition to that, last week gave me a chance to visit MegaMall and experience wearing a pair of shoes that could easily make you curse its existence and wish you could trade feet with another person even for just a brief moment.

It wasn't at all a pleasant week. I had a chance to show my love and loyalty for LRT Line 2 after witnessing and eventually experiencing LRT Line 1 during 7 AM to 9 AM on weekdays. Not that I'm saying this is the first time that I was able to ride LRT's. I used to ride LRT Line 1 going to Makati to go to my previous work but it was around 12 NN to 2 PM. Who would have thought that a few hours difference would sway my once loyal patronage of LRT Line 1 to LRT Line 2?

It was the first time in months that I was able to go to Makati again via Buendia route and I was surprised that the usual sight that I saw when I came down from the station wasn't there. I was quite sure that there was something there that I was perfectly aware of a few months back but now, it wasn't there. And all the more weird is that, as I am writing this entry, the image of that site (whatever it is) has entirely slipped my mind. I don't know if I'll be able to recall that. I had no pictures of it. I doubt I'd be meeting anyone who had a picture of that place. Who knows, maybe I'll even forget how the station looks like when it becomes too old and will have been demolished.

Yep! I haven't been to Makati for quite some time and it showed when I was trying to find this Salcedo Tower. I was to go to H.V. dela Costa then go to the 10th floor of Salcedo Tower to get to my first destination. Unfortunately, either due to my absence from Makati for a time or due to my genuine ignorance of other places in Makati besides my previous workplace, I alighted about a kilometer from where I was suppose to go to. I asked around and eventually, I landed on Salcedo tower 20 minutes after my appointed interview. But I wasn't worried. Interviews like those usually take about an hour or so before starting. So complacent as I was back then, I rode the elevator and on the 10th floor, I found the company with ease. I would thank the Filipino culture for inventing the "Filipino Time"; I had time to pass my resume, fill up some forms meet some boring acquaintances and cool myself for sweat was trickling non-stop from all over my body (that's right! from all over my body) having walked about a kilometer in the morning heat while enduring a pair of shoes that seemed to tighten with each step that you take.
You know how they always tell you at school that at work, it is imperative to always come on time. Well, this was work and I can't see how imperative coming on time was. I just thought back then that the company was quite drunk with the influence of the Filipino's "Filipino Time" that they decided to extend it to show how they love our culture.
The convenience eventually became a harassment. Yeah! A harassment! All the sweat in me seemed to have hibernated due to overexposure to low temperature and my Inbox filled with messages have been opened, browsed and closed for more than four times before they gave the exam. After the exam comes the interview. I felt blood surging through my head as I have waited for more than an hour and a half and I was interviewed by an HR representative who seemed to know that he has articulation problems in English but went on talking like that till he gave up or the words gave up on him and finally took out his cheat sheet to ask me questions. Talk about lame!
The harassment wasn't over. He told me to wait for the result. But no! I wasn't about to fall for that trap anymore. I'm not a fanatic when it comes to "Filipino Time" culture and I had another appointment that afternoon. So when I was in the lobby, I waited for my chance to ask for the result of the interview. I'm not about to wait there for their convenience. I had my share of convenience and I'm not stupid enough to get drunk.
I was right! They already had my result but they were just impending to give me the result for reasons beyond me. They scheduled my second interview for tomorrow. Fine! Tomorrow then. I've learned my lesson so you'll see.

The afternoon passed without much turmoil. I was lost also in Ortigas trying to find that Philippine Stock Exchange Building. That day, I learned that asking for directions can save you the agony of losing 1000 calories (not that I'm one to complain about losing some but still...) and drying your throat on an ordinary day of December. As an added bonus, I had discovered, after years of dormancy, that the steel from the steel toe shoes that I was wearing were, in more ways than I can say, clearly killing my feet. At least I arrived, with both of my feet in tact and parched throat, I've finished the exam with colors, I think, though certainly not flying.

"Come back on Thursday at 4 PM for your interview."

Ok. Very busy times.

The next day, with the lesson learned from the previous interviewer that summoned me for that day, I woke up at a later time that would certainly make me late for my appointment. True to my prediction of time, I arrived 40 minutes later than the agreed time. I was quite worried that they may have cancelled my appointment by me being late but I learned eventually that the company was currently experiencing a hang over from yesterday's drunkeness of the "Filipino Time" culture. I just sighed and contemplated on how to magically enlarge my shoe as it is beginning to place cumulative painful sensations on all parts of my foot. Sadly, imagination and reality has a thick wall between them. Besides, I don't have any magic powers in me.
When I heard the line "Can you come back tomorrow?" I was already cursing the woman who interviewed me and, if for a moment, the wall between the reality and imagination had been broken, Makati would have been turned to dust and the center of explosion would have been that company. At least in my mind, her head exploded. I had to repeat that a few times for me to forget the fate my feet fought with all the honor that a foot can uphold. At least I smiled at the thought. It ain't going to happen in reality, might as well amplify the effect in my mind. ~Aaaah. That's better.~

That same day, I was to accompany my friend to apply as a Technical Support Representative in a certain call center company whose name I won't disclose. So there I was, at home, trying to relish the fleeting minutes that my feet were off that guillotine of a shoe. Eventually, the minutes dissolved and it was time for me to go again, job hunting.
I worked in a call center before and the experience was quite the opposite of what I've been hearing from other colleagues who were still there. And now, I'm applying on a whim for a job that made me quit. It's really ironic. All the more ironic was, I was offered a job. I did bad with the interview to the point that my interviewer was accussing me of names which led me to wonder, how in the world was he able to read context clues out of the words that I said to make him say that I'm "Pasaway"? I only answered his questions like: Why did I take up my course; why did I apply with them; why did I resign from my previous job? I stroke my shoulder length newly straightened hair and a thought struck me. And i remembered, I haven't shaved for three days. Ooooh~ That's why.
How much of a prejudicing person was my interviewer? Just by looking at me, he concluded that. With his sense of self-majesty around him just because he was wearing that long sleeved 70's cut shirt, tucked in and speaking in English (though no palpable American accent), and that gayish attitude brought by working in a call center, I'm not about to take that from him at any other occassion than this. I could have had fought back, since I really didn't like to get into the company. I did though in a more discreet manner. He should thank my parents for raising me right. Or esle, he would've had seen what true prejudice was.

One more thing that happened thay day was a question in the interview that that faggot threw at me. If I were given two words in front of me, what would I choose: Instinct or Instructions?
How would my readers answer?
Me? I answered instinct. Why? Besides my nature of being independent and opinionated, I believe in that bent saying that goes: "You can only believe in yourself." Instinct is always there in you. Instructions to yourself comes after instinct. Instructions coming from others are assessed after assessing your instinct. But no! Our all mighty gay judge would opt me to choose instructions saying: Even if you don't know what you're doing, you'd opt to choose instinct? Inside me, all the more that' I'll rely on my instinct. Heck your scenario lacks information! How would I know if there are people around me whom I can ask? But sensing that he wants me to answer the other one, I contrived an answer that would support my sudden change of choice but subtly support my previous one. Now I know how the contestants feel in "Laban o Bawi" whenever they are being urged to change their decision.
Damn you faggot! I still haven't forgotten you, you arrogant, 70's shirt wearing, impecable feeling judgemental person! Right back at you! Of course that's an attack from behind. Oh well...


Nothing noteworthy after everything that happened in the past two days of job hunting, except that the "Filipino Time" loving company offered me a job after collectively having me wait for 10 hours in four different occassions. Two of those four occassions, either I was the only one they had to cater or there were two or three of us. A disaster of a company. I'd been handed with the contract for me to read and to sign. But I declined after reading what was written on it. There really wasn't need for time to read it since it was a one page contract. I have written business letters longer than these ~sheesh~

After that adventurous week, I'm back to being a bored unemployed young man. Aside from the blisters that I got from the pair of shoes that I just realized I may have outgrown, I was able to get some food for thought though in a satirical way of presentation. Plus, I had material to write after a week of being on hiatus on this page.

Come to think of it, being unemployed may prove to be entertaining at times. But then again, I really need to get a job or else my back pay's not going to last me this month.

~sigh~

In case you're wondering what happened to my interview in Ortigas, I failed it.

~sigh~ *again*





Couch potato till the end of the year.

They say my one vote can sway the results of the election. That's why I'm not voting.

(Disclaimer: Mulan doesn't belong to the author. Disney owns Mulan and all other characters in the movie Mulan that are used in this entry.)

It never failed to overwhelm me with a chilling sensation whenever I watch that scene from the movie Mulan wherein the emperor bowed to a lowly woman and in turn, the whole country mimicked the gesture in honor of her heroism. I would always go "Shit!" because for me, to be bowed to and be revered by the whole country like that, lowering themselves in respect to you, and only you, is somewhat a lifetime honor and glory that you can carry, unless of course you tarnish it. As they say, people do great deeds to be recognized but a mere misdemeanor can cause you eternal shame.

Pointing away from what the movie Mulan speaks of (at least that particular scenario), where a small woman does something big and the whole country was saved from being pummeled by tyrants to domination, I mean, it's all big, her doings and the effect, which is all good. But as I have mentioned, let's try to point away from that.

Allow me to explain the core of this entry by telling you a story quite familiar to all of us. I believe most of us are familiar with the story of the father and his son, operating the bridge for the train to pass by, aren't we? Well, just in case, do permit me.


A father and a son were working on a bridge where the local train comes and goes everyday and at the same time, the river where the train crosses is also a channel for small boats and ferries to sail on. They would lower the bridge whenever a train passes by and raise it should a ferry requests passage but not when a train is near and will be crossing the bridge for that would mean that the train would stop and it can't just stop in the middle of nowhere. It should always stop in a station. At least for the boats and ferries, stopping would be no problem. Priority of crossing is always given to the train.
The day was normal; lower the bridge and raise it when the situation suits it. The son was out in the bridge playing along the tracks of the train. The father, was inside sipping coffee while watching his son from the control room of the bridge. Not a moment too soon, a train is fast approaching. The father waved at his son to get out of the bridge and let the train pass by. Sure enough, the son did as he was told and marched towards the end of the bridge. The father looked at the other side of the window to see what train was bounded their direction. It took some time for him to recognize that it was a luxury train cruising along and running towards the other side of the country. He placed his lips on the rim of his cup and suddenly dropped it as he looked at the other window. He saw his son, on all fours on the tracks desperately trying to get a hooked leg out of the rumbling steel. The train's whistle was never louder than it had ever been for the father and the rumbling of the tracks was never tremorous as it had been today. He looked at his son struggling helplessly as he cried calling on to him for help. The father looked at the large red button in front of him and with a trembling hand, placed a finger on it without the pressure to press it.
The father was defeaned by the roaring whistle even though the train was kilometers away from the bridge. He slumped on the floor, silently wailing, not minding the coffee and the broken cup.


Now here's another version of Mulan but the main difference is, there was no bowing, no honor, no glory, no saving China, no nothing. He didn't gain anything but lost everything in this feat, and for what? For morality? Wow! This father should be the modern Abraham, willing to sacrifice his son for the good. I'd really like to take the time to bow and clap my hands to him but sorry, this isn't the point I'm trying to build up.

So what's the point?

The point is, it was never known.

Let's try to put it this way.

A young man, who literally had everything in his life, wanted to commit suicide. Why? His fiance left him for another man, his career was being jeopardized by his best friend and his parents dumped him for being a no good child of theirs. A really sad young man. On a train trip from his town to a nearby country, he decided to commit suicide. He knew that if he jumped from the running train to the bridge and into the raging rivers, no one would know that he died. So he got out of the rear car and climbed the ladder on to the roof of the train. He walked the expanse of the metallic vehicle and stopped on the first car, right above the driver's seat. The bridge was nearing so he closed his eyes and readied to jump. All of a sudden he heard a crying boy. He opened his eyes to see a boy on the tracks who was looking at him with hopeless eyes. A moment later, the boy vanished from his eyes and the train rocked quite violently making him loose his balance and fall to the edge of the first car. He managed to cling on to a protruding handle, who knows why it was placed there, and swayed in the air as the train raced on. The driver of the train curious about the violent disturbance on the train went to open the window and check out what was it that they hit. To his surprise, he saw a dangling man clinging for his dear life on the side of the train. He reached out his hand to the young man and pulled him inside the car. The young man was shocked beyond imagination. He stood there shivering while the driver and the conductors called for the companions of the young man. His parents rushed to him in the first car and hugged him tightly, thanking the driver and the conductors profusely. On his destination on the other side of the country, he received a call from his fiance and asked him if he'd still be willing to be married to her. He agreed without thinking. After a while, a call from his company came in saying he was promoted since his best friend recommended him for the position. He agreed also without thinking. He placed the receiver down and went to the window sill. He heard the train from a distance and realized now, why he had agreed without thinking.

A telenovela story not worth mentioning but in this way, I can state my point clearly.

We all have decisions that we make in our lives. Some are really big and some are small. Sometimes, results from these decisions aren't proportional to what effort we gave. We may have done something colossal but the effect isn't noteworthy while others are minute but monumental in effect. I'd like to emphasize on the small things with great effects.

We may never know how our lives turned out to be and we can't entirely blame it on the palpable decisions that we make or the apparent circumstances that we encounter. Some insignificant decisions that we make like loitering around or taking out the trash or jerking off in the middle of nowhere may look like it doesn't have any impecable or detrimental effects but it may bring something, larger than what we have bargained for. Not now maybe, but it builds up like a small balloon being pumped slowly with air. We'll never know when the balloon'll burst in our faces or sustain it's wondrous shape.

Of course I'm not saying that every little thing that we do has to be reciprocated with a turning point event. We can't be expecting that everytime we piss, we save the universe now do we?

In the story of the young man, I'd like to emphasize how a small thing for everyone, can mean a big thing for you. The whole train never did realize that a boy was sacrificed in order for all of them to be saved and that a weeping father was in the tower suffering from pain unimaginable. While a big decision was made by the father, it's effect on the passengers was just a violent rocking of the cars. But for the young man, that decision rekindled his life. The father could have followed his paternal instincts and raised the bridge, killing hundreds of people, putting into reality that suicidal attempt of the young man, but thought twice of the consequences of that small, instinctive decision. In the end, he chose a decision, paradoxical in effect between him and the passengers of the train.



Let's go back to the young man. Aside from keeping his life, he managed to reconcile with his parents, his fiance, his best friend and get a promotion. Had the boy not been there to be run over by the train, he would have jumped already and would have been mourned over instead of the boy.

The boy was just a passing image for the young man, like a wind that kissed his cheeks for a moment. That wind became the key to his life.

And don't forget that handle.